Dear Society, For Every Romeo, there Needn't be a Juliet.

A wise man once said, "As you grow older, you become wiser". I do not have any idea how old he was when he uttered these words that have such profound meaning. As I've reached the stage where I am closer to the age of 50, as compared to 0, I am realizing the weightiness of this statement. I am on an apology spree to all those (includes cousins, colleagues, acquaintances, family members) whom I made fun of for getting old. Pulling their legs and asking them to get married, or find a loved one, was amongst my favourite activities. I am sure the seven doors of hell are wide open for me for these actions, and six feet tall bloodhounds are salivating at the thought of my arrival. I wouldn't be surprised if God wishes to punish me and makes me watch Big Boss for aggravating my pain.

The concept of a relationship or a marriage has always been fed to us from our childhood. We've been fed so much that we've become obese. Perhaps, it forms the Holy Trinity of human life - job, marriage, childbirth. Speaking in the context of Indian societies, girls are expected to get hitched by the age of 25, and boys by the age of 30. Male privilege at work, folks. Even the entertainment industry has left an indelible mark on our heart in terms of "winning" a partner. Movies and TV show most often portray the beauty of a relationship and make the "hapless" singles wishing for a soul mate like Jack, Rose, Allie, Noah, Yuri Zhivago, Rahul Raichand, etc., depending on your gender preference. Back in school, soul mate hunting was performed by most individuals, as the thought that the single life was undesirable spread faster than the COVID-19 virus. Relationship elevated your societal status, and not finding a partner was often frowned upon. I've lost count of the number of friends, be in school, college, or the workplace, who've spent an umpteen number of hours in finding someone just because they felt the need to do so. 

Interestingly, movies and advertisements also set the rules for relationships. Looks were important because nobody would fall for the fatter, younger Rohan Raichand. He had to undergo a massive transformation in terms of his height and muscle density to be alluring for hotties like Poo. Peer pressure, more importantly, societal pressure, forced young adults to spend time wooing their "loved" ones.

Some relationships took off and reached the destination, while some others didn't even leave the runway and dropped into the Mariana Trench. Was I lured by the thoughts of a relationship? Definitely. I am a human after all.

During one of my 3 am thoughts, I decided to do a little research on relationships and marriages. The first question that needs to be answered was, " In this day and age, is it necessary for an individual to be with someone, or find their soul mate? The research didn't answer the questions, but it took me down a rabbit hole.

Humans are social animals that need to be in a pack. The concept of family and procreation is embedded in our DNA, and we strive to find a partner to pass on our genes. However,  does everyone find love? What happens to individuals who do not find a suitable partner? More importantly, how do individuals who DO NOT WANT a partner survive in this world? Do they remain normal, or do they show aggression as their basic need aren't being fulfilled? Do single people feel lonely all the time? If yes, is their loneliness index spiked when they are fed the thought that finding a partner is important to fully experience life? I do not know to answer these, for they are beyond my understanding of relationships.

On planet Earth, individuals who haven't had successful relationships have still performed miracles. Susan B. Anthony, the infamous women's right activist who fought for the passage of the 19th Amendment which was responsible for women's suffrage, chose to remain single. APJ Abdul Kalam, perhaps India's greatest president, never got married. The Wright Brothers, who allowed me to shorten the time from Pune to Kochi to under 2 hours, mentioned that they never had time for an aeroplane, and a wife. Narendra Modi, India's Prime Minister who came from a humble background,  separated from his wife, and decided to serve the nation as he thought relationships would be a distraction. These individuals decided to pursue what they wanted and didn't let societal norms dictate their lives.

If it possible for individuals to remain single, and find peace, why does society feel the need to manoeuvre their lives in a different direction, as it feels that relationships are inevitable for survival? You often hear statements such as, "He/she is not having a purpose in life. Find a suitable match, and get him/her to marry. They'll mature after finding a partner". It is almost hysterical to listen to talks like, " His character needs to change. He is too short tempered/irresponsible. Find a girl for him. He will become better". In other words, for every problem in life, there is a universal remedy if you are single. GET MARRIED/ Find a relationship. In fact, marriage is like Dolo tablet. You can take it for headaches, stomach aches, cancer, fever, cough, pneumonia, ankle sprain, and whatnot. I'm not even delving into the Terms and Conditions for marriages, such as caste, religion, creed, colour, class, salary, bank balance, house size, car model, number of hairs, amongst others because that would be a comical rant. So what about individuals who do not get rid of these characteristics despite getting married? Aha! Glad you asked. In comes the second line of defence! *drum roll*  HAVE KIDS!

Based on stats to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, there were around 2,132,853 registered marriages in the country in 2018, while the number of divorces was close to 782,038. It is estimated that around 50% of marriages end up in divorces in the U.S., and divorce rates are on the rise. In India, on the other hand, only 1% of marriages end up in divorces.  Hence, India is more successful than the U.S. when it comes to marriages and relationships, due to the way our society functions.

RIGHT!

The taboo associated with divorce, or failed relationships in our country is worse than seeing a black cat on an auspicious occasion. Divorcees faced flak from society and were scorned upon by the masses. It is the fear of being isolated, and the family name getting shoved down the drain that forces individuals to stay in a relationship, no matter how toxic it is. Once a kid is born, the concept of sacrifice comes into play, and the image of the kid being fatherless/motherless shows up in their dreams, thus making them puke while thinking about a divorce. Let us not get into the legalities of getting a divorce, as the process may last as long as the CID television series. The hassle of getting a lawyer, and fighting the battle in the court put off many people, and they end up suffering in silence. Some take out their frustration on their partner, making India's domestic violence numbers fly high.

Hence, everyone should remain single, and not get married?

Never. This post is not anti-marriage/anti-relationship in any way. It is about the normalization of being single/unmarried. Why is it that the genders are being asked to pursue the opposite ones, even if they are content with their life? Being single is as normal as being in a relationship. Age is not defining marriages nor relationships. Some may find their soul mates, like the ones who found gold during the gold rush in California. However, those that did not find gold, or those that did not even WANT to search for gold, did not end up miserably. They had other interests. Some built planes. Some built ships. Some opened banks. Some cultivated crops. Some sang and danced. Some acted. Some built automotive companies. Some explored the world. Some took care of their parents. Some wrote books. Some fought for the rights of others. And some may have written about why being single needs to be acceptable, and finding a soul mate isn't the unlocking of PREMIUM offerings in life. The concept of a relationship is frightening for many. Once you enter that phase, you cease to exist as an individual, as most of the decisions need to be taken considering the interests and priorities of your partner as well. . Sure, it may be meriting for many. But for others, the search isn't worth the investment of hours, commitment, and efforts. Some people thrive being by themselves. Isn't it wise to let them be?

More importantly, getting married to induce responsibility, or fix someone is ludicrous.  Trying to find a match for a guy to enrich his life or teach him a lesson is nothing but the mere commodification of individuals. It isn't the duty of the girl to fix the issues with the guy, and vice versa. You approach professionals like addiction experts, psychologists, etc., for fixing such issues. Career stabilization and exploration needs to be focussed, and emphasized, rather than the normalized, but outdated game called "Soul Mate Hunt".

Hence, dear society and the coveted entertainment industry, let the single folks be. They're do not feel miserable in life. Wait. Let me rephrase. They do not feel miserable in life, but your constant efforts can make them feel so.  Love may delve into their lives, or it may not. They may find someone, they may not. However, they're not damaged. They're not the runt of the litter. They're not mavericks who are against love. They do not want to share their life with someone and want to stay away from the issues related to possible breakups/divorces. They are humans who choose to be different. They're not better, nor worse than those who are married/committed.

Because at the end of the day, they're individuals and need to be treated as such. And they can remain individuals, rather than being forced into the couple life.